So this slampiece I have been crushin on the reg calls me up last week. I go over to her place thinking it is going to be a day session. She usually keeps her door open, so I just come in. As soon as I walk in, I see her bent over the table by another dude. Slut planned that shit like clockwork. Jokes on her though, I went to her fridge grabbed an Ice and iced the bro. He stopped and took it down like a champ. We are bros now.
So we have a tradition, the old balls pub crawl, and my bro and I were pounding shots and brews. We closed down the brohater bars and rolled to Jimmy Johns for a late night drunk grub sesh. My bro had to take a piss, so I ordered as he went. I ordered, got my food, and was waiting for him. At this time I noticed a line growing for the slampiece bathroom. All of the sudden my bro walks out with a huge shit eating grin on his face. He simply says "we have to leave now!" As I walk out the door, I heard the death cry of a slampiece. Turns out my upperdecked and vommed all over the bathroom. Bro king.
Bro-Tip: Getting chicks to fold your clothes is easy.
One of the best idea I ever tried/succeeded in doing was getting girls to fold my clothes. When you live in a dorm, it is actually quiet easy. Follow these steps. 1. On laundry day, start your load and once you are almost done text your friends who are girls and ask if they want to hang out. 2. Before they get to your place, pour all your clean clothes out on all the seats and your bed in your room. 3. When your friend gets there, and there is no place to sit, it is possible that they will fold your clothes. 4. If they don't get started right away, ask for an example of how to fold a shirt. 5. While they are showing you, tell them you need multiple examples, or until your clothes are done. 6. Feign or display actual incompetence. Chicks usually feel for you then. 7. Once your bed is cleared, crush and repeat.
The night before graduation was awesome. Cept my bro's brother got too wrecked. He ended up stumbling into my apartment, before I had met him, and passed out in our doorway. Another friend told me who he was and convinced me to put him on my couch, after which he proceeded to vomit on it. With other sights in mind, I wasn't going to concern myself, but the next morning I found out he also pissed in the corner. Bro, if you are out there, learn to handle yourself. Luckily we moved out the next day. Wear it student housing.
I was minding my own business at work today when out of nowhere, one of my friends messaged me on gchat. “Ugh, $96 later I am brazilian." Immediately she tried to pretend like she was talking about something other than her bikini line, but I knew better. It set me up with a great mental picture the rest of the day. Thanks.
I was visiting my bro at his college and we went to his frat house for a brotacular party with mad biddies. After a long night of partying, we walked back to his apartment, each of us with a honey in hand. We had to cut across the baseball field, so we all climbed the fence and hopped it. Problem was, it was an 8 foot fence and I was hammered, so I fell from the top and busted my wrist pretty bad. Still, we went back to the apartment and I ended up sealing the deal with her. Next morning I found out I had to get surgery on my broken wrist. At least I got the hookup!
I was at this club with my bro yesterday and getting my freak on with some biddy on the dance floor. She has a friend so it was great for the both of us. I was dancing with her from behind, so at one point I leaned over to ask him how she looked. He gave me the thumbs up. This morning I rolled over and immediately regretted it. My bro woke up with a 10.
My Bro and I was watching the US-Algeria game this morning, and after we got our first Goal robbed and Dempsey didn't get the call in the box for the elbow, I got really mad. I kinda threw my remote through my TV. I found out that we won over Twitter. Bro Fail.

So after an extensive pre-game with my bro, I went to a nearby bar before realizing the world was spinning. Grabbed a cab, headed home, passed out for two hours on the bathroom floor, and awoke the next morning incredibly hung over. Checked the phone: 18 missed calls. I forgot my bro at the bar, had locked him out of the house for the night, and didn't wake up to the 18 calls, 4 texts, or 2 hours of him banging on the door. Bro-blocked!
Last week I woke up in my friend's mom's bed, fully clothed, while she was in the corner freaked out. Apparently, I walked in during the middle of the night and just climbed into the bed. She cooked me eggs and bacon for brunch. Great morning.