This weekend we had a crazy rager and my bro tried to do a keg-stand. About 10 seconds in, his arms gave up and he fell on the keg splitting his lip up. If you are going to a keg stand, get some upper body strength. Sorry bro, but it had to be said. #brostory
 
 
I just got dome in a hot tub from this skeezy piece at my college. When I got out my junk was burning and since I was slightly inebriated, I got super scared. I jumped the fence and ran back to my dorm thinking I just got AIDS. Turns out they had just put chemicals in the tub, and they were just burning my skin. Everything was fine after I took a shower. #brotub
 
 
So I hosted this sweet party last night, but my bro passed out on my bed. Not wanting to stop the party, we just let him sleep, until I needed to use my bed for a fine-dime that I has been working on all night. Problem was that I couldn't get him up, so, in my drunken stupor, we just did it in the bed next to him. This morning he told me that he woke up half way through, but didn't want to ruin it for me, so he pretended to sleep until we were done. Apparently, her arm kept hitting him. #brostory
 
 
So my bro and I hit this house party with the shots pouring, but no fine breezy in sight yet. Then, in walk in these 3 chicks, one of which is a straight dime! I start chatting her up, and as the night went on she got pretty buzzed. We had a couple make out sessions throughout the night and she couldn't stay off me. At the end of the night, my bro and I get invited back to her place; him with her other friend. When we get back, her room was a mess, so I end up doin this chick on a pile of laundry on her bed. I was almost finished when we hear it "Who the fuck is this!" The laundry started moving and, yeah, it was the chicks mom!?!? She calls us all to the living room, with this dime getting dressed, but me and my friend just look at each other and just book it to the car. No chance I am trying to have that conversation. 
 
 
So my buddy is visiting me from out of town. Naturally my goal is for him to meet a lovely lady. Fastforward to the end of the night. We haven't had much success and as it is the end of the night and we have drank our faces off our standards drop a little. We end up talking to these two decent chicks as the bar is closing. We convince them to come back to my place. Eventually he takes his to my couch and I go to my room with mine. Mine is boring and we basically just pass out. My buddy ends up fingerblasting and getting domed up. Which is great, however, as soon as he finishes, the girl starts talking about love and that she is gonna go visit him really soon. So my bro panics and throws a blanket on her and ends up sleeping on my roommate's floor terrified, until the two girls leave at 6am. I guess he didn't want to marry a 6. #brostory
 
 
Me and my bros went out the other night and I had a couple 4 Lokos in order to get our swerve on. Next thing I remember is being in some bitch's car getting domed up. Problem was, I didn't who she was, and could recall the back of her head. Anyway, I woke up the next day and am missing my sweet Blackberry. When I logged onto facebook and discover this chick had messaged me saying she had my phone, and her phone number for me. Best part was, she was half-decent looking. I guess "blackout me" did well, really well. #brostory
 
 
My buddy last night didn't want to go to the bar's bathroom so he just pissed off the balcony. Bouncers didn't like that and ended up pinning him against the rail. He replied, "okay you guys got me, but my dick is still out." #brostory
 
 
So I wasn't going to go out last night, but my bros convinced me to hit the bottle around 10 pm. Went over to a friends party where he was having an open bar and things got a little rowdy. We took shots of tequila until the handles were out then moved on the shots of whatever was left: triple sec. Yesterday was Wednesday. Today is Friday. Sorry Ms. Black, it seems I have missed Thursday. #brosession
 
 
Let me tell you about this bro story:

I was at this party with a bro and we spotted these two dime-pieces from across the room. My bro got up on one and as he was grinding on her, he leaned over and asked me to make sure she is good looking, as he only got a glimpse of her backside. I maneuvered around to make sure, gave him a thumbs-up then started dancing with her friend. The next morning he was furious cause he was laying next to a beast. I could make excuses like "the room was dark," but let's be honest, her friend was hot. #sorrybro
 
 
So I went to Spring Break down in Rosarito Mexico, I know real classy. My friends and I are raging all week and we of course keep getting approached by girls. Some of which are prostitutes. One night my friends decide it would be funny to buy me one, thinking that I would puss out. I'm not gonna turn that down though. So we go back to our hotel room and I take off my pants and she starts doming me up. No less than one minute in police bang on the door, I guess they saw us leave, I would never trust the police anyway. Luckily I had remembered to leave my shoes on. So as quick as a flash I grab my pants and jump out the window and sprint up the beach and only bad thing was the blue balls. 

Moral: Always leave your shoes on when your getting head from a prostitute in Mexico.